Hooters plus Sasuke's Birthday equals Hell
by Kit's-Kraddle 1k
Summary: This fic is mainly SEX it's "straight" sex cuz Naruto is Sexy Jutsu. And obviously there are no Hooter's in Naruto-Land so I do no own Hooters or Naruto. If you like smex then read if not... don't read DUH.


"Hey there!"

I grunted at the bouncing boobs in front of my face. I picked up my glass and sipped as though it were vinegar instead of Moosehead. 'Stupid Canadians and their piss-water lager…'

"I heard it's _someone's _birthday today." The bouncing blonde said, her hair was the almost transparent sort of blonde, and her boobs were just… everywhere. I read her nametag. "Ino" 'Doesn't that mean dog or something?' Then what she said hit me.

'Oh shit.'

It was bad enough the guys remembered my birthday, but to make the day shittier they decided to take me to 'Hooters', where the women have no class and the boobs are everywhere. Would it ever occur to them that I don't want to be suffocated if I'm on the bottom? 'No, of course not, cuz they love sweaty nipples and breasts dragging over their faces.' I shifted uncomfortably. Fine, so I didn't mind it so much either… but still! I would not grant them the satisfaction of seeing me with a boner on my birthday.

As I came out of my mental bickering, brightly colored sparks from across the room caught my, and everyone else in the restaurant's attention and many more pairs of boobs began gathering around the light. A girl with pink hair and a smile so white and perfect is was scary came almost sprinting to my side. As a many of the girls made their way to various poles around the room.

"Happy Birthday to you…" they began singing, some raspy like Marilyn Monroe's "Mr. President" style, others were trying to be cute.

'Fuck me.' I took up my glass again this time took a chug, careful not to make a mess all over myself, the girls would probably like that for some strange, twisted reason.

"And many more…Yay!" They all waited for me to blow out the sparkler that was on the mound of ice cream with chocolate and a cherry that looked suspiciously like a boob and nipple. I pouted for a moment before bitterly leaning forward and practically spitting on the candle. Everyone in the restaurant clapped, a lot of guys "whooped" mainly at the girls getting down from their poles. 'Great and now everyone's going to watch me eat this boob-shaped desert.' I figured I'd get it over with and was about to take the cherry off when I saw a yellow blur approaching us. The transparent blonde and pink-haired girl were still here…watching me eat….damn creepers.

"Guys, what the fuck, no one came and got me?" the yellow-haired girl complained loudly.

"Naruto! Why don't you s.t.f.u. in front of the customers." The pink-haired girl complained. I ignored her, the yellow-haired girl intrigued me, her hair was as bright as a sunflower and her eyes as blue as the sky and suddenly I wanted her and I to be rolling around in a pile of hay. And I hate farms and summer.

"Pssh, they don't care, do you boys?" She asked the table I watched as she smiled innocently, though her eyes played mischevious from one guy to the next at our table, suddenly her eyes settled on me. She smiled at me for a moment before saying,

"So, you're the victim of the table?"

"Yeah." I said simply, I measured her up. Round face, but her chin was well-defined so she didn't look like some creepy life sized doll. Her features were big but not too big for her face, her eyes were round and all-seeing, so much I felt my normal distant front was being seen through. Her nose was straight and sharp at the end without doing that masculine hook thing at the end, but it didn't diminish into nothing like most girls' did. And the smile she flashed me was real, not fake like all the other ones.

"What's wrong, don't like your desert? I can fix you something else." she said playfully. I smirked, now her boobs were something to admire. Just the right size, for me anyways, my guess is C's maybe even borderline B but they looked just the right size roll around and play with.

I felt myself getting hard and it didn't help as my eyes traveled down her body to a sexy tattoo on her stomach which I could see thanks to her short black 'Hooters' tank-top. The tattoo descended just below the top of her daisy-dukes which were hugging her ass and thighs so tight it looked like she was going to pop out of them.

"No, it's fine, I'm just not too partial to artificial tastes." I grabbed the cherry from the top of the sundae idly. "Do you want my cherry?" I asked her, trying to be nice and not seem like a total pig that was just out to score with her… though I would have left with her to go back to my place right then and there.

She raised an eyebrow at me,

"Shouldn't I be asking you that question, Sasuke?" leaving me stupid and speechless she grabbed the cherry and popped it in her mouth before walking away and shaking her ass at me and the jealous girls and guys… fuck she was hot. The way she acted, the way she said my name, the way she shook that ass… I recovered quickly.

"That's what I'm getting for my birthday."

"Psssh yeah!" said Kiba sitting across from me. "Fuck ponies, ask mommy if you can ride her around for your birthday." There came laughs and high-fives from the table as the angsty waitress Ino brought us our tab. There was only one thing I wanted for my birthday, only one thing that would make this sucky day of the year worth it.

As the guys started departing from the restaurant promising to meet me at my house tonight, for my big 21st party, I waited by the front area where one of the girls brought you to your table. I waited, taking a seat in the corner as guy, after guy, after…girl? entered. When they weren't busy I asked the girl at the front,

"Hey, when's…" I realized I hadn't looked at her nametag, this fucked my cover up saying I was her boyfriend waiting for her to go on break. Just then she came around the corner wearing regular jeans that were maybe a little baggy at the legs but still made her ass look great and had thrown on an orange jacket over her "uniform".

"Sasuke?" she asked looking confused. 'Great, she caught me off-guard.' Luckily she left her name-tag on, I glanced at it, 'Naru-Naruto? What the fuck….'

"Are you going to give me a ride home? I can bike…"

"Um, yeah come on." I grabbed her/his arm. And lead them outside.

"Hey watch it!" She complained once we were outside.

"What the hell are you doing? Seriously! How did this happen?"

"Calm down, it's just sexy jutsu, you've seen it before…" Naruto said, throwing his bag in the car, her bag…what the fuck!

"What the hell was that in there? Do they all know you're you?"

"Not unless they saw my nametag, I have to change it. I was thinking about Na-Na, that's kind of cute right?"

"Isn't that 7?"

"Sometimes."

"Then it sounds perfect." I said perturbed, pulling out of the parking spot with gusto.

"Why are you so pissed? Isn't it your birthday?"

"Yeah! Another reason why today sucks. First I think you're some hot girl flirting with me…"

"I am some hot girl who was flirting with you."

I ignored him,

"I was ready to take you home, and make my birthday not suck."

"You _are_ taking me home. And we can still fix your b-day." He raised his eyebrows at me with a '_Hello_?!' Expression.

"What?"

Naruto smirked moving his hand up over my thigh.

"Well, I was serious in there… And we have a few hours before your party starts."

"But…you're a guy." I said, feeling my pulse pounding.

"Right now I'm not, and I don't think that's stopped you before…"

"I was drunk!" I blurted as his hand moved closer to my crotch.

"People say you're more honest when you're drunk."

It's true I hadn't been completely smashed, and he was hot before, but now god I wanted to pull over right there and then…

"…you're completely a chick?" I asked, holding back a moan as Naruto's manicured nail played over the bulge between my legs.

"Yeah. Completely." Naruto sort of laughed. He leaned closer to me whispering in my ear hotly, "So, what do you say, birthday boy?" I felt his fingers take a hold of the bulge roughly, squeezing slightly. I whimpered.

No sooner had I hastily parked as the two of us jumped out. I had the keys and began fumbling with the door desperately. Naruto pressed "herself" against me and I felt every delicious curve aching for me to touch it, "Hurry up…" she moaned. I turned the key and we practically fell into the apartment darting for either bedroom.

"Mine," I said quickly.

"No, let's use mine it's further down the hall." She argued.

"Damn it Naruto, mine is the only one that locks!"

"Oh yeah." he said in his girl voice, that sounded way too cute for her to be wearing clothes.

"Come on." I swung her into my door and in one motion shut the door and brought her to me. I kissed her deeply, tasting odd mixture of alcohol with our saliva. First she was tense from the sudden move but she quickly loosened up and my hands went from grabbing her arms to finding her waist and quickly her ass. She leaned into me as I backed up into my bed, realizing how our positioning would fall I spun her around and onto my bed, as we both fell. I pulled my face away from hers so our teeth wouldn't gnash as we collided onto the mattress.

"God, you're so smooth." I was pretty sure she meant my transitions and actions, but she quickly slipped her hands underneath my shirt feeling my bare already sweating chest. It had to at least be 85 out today. Naruto exhaled as she said, "And so hot!" she pulled my shirt up over my head my hands moved from taking off her jacket anxiously to let my shirt come off. She pulled me in for another hot kiss as I ran my hands from her waist up until I felt her torso gently curve up and followed it to her breasts. I placed my hand over them and realized he had a bra on. She still reacted to the touch which made me even more anxious to get her shirt off. I climbed onto the bed so I was straddling her and ran my and up her sides firmly but deftly, feel her soft tan skin beneath my cold pale digits.

"Mmm, your hands are kind of cold." I leaned forward and kissed her neck she gasped, I quickly removed her shirt before whispering.

"They'll warm up." I continued kissing her neck momentarily as I felt her hands rubbing my back up and down soothingly in a pattern where every other time she would lightly scratch me.

"Let me know if I'm hurting you." She whispered with a smirk, though I could tell from her voice, and the way she scratched for emphasis, she had all intentions of hurting me.

"Yeah, right." was all I said. I slid my hands behind her, between the bed and her back to remove her orange bra. She grabbed onto my shoulders and arched her back up slightly so I could get better reach. Just the action was so sexy I leaned forward rubbing my still covered erection against her crotch. She purred in pleasure and I too smirked as I undid the bra.

I pulled it away like the lid of a treasure chest to find indeed two perfect sites, after staring for a moment, and moving my hands up to them I looked up to Naruto to her smiling at me, telling me with her eyes to go on. I felt her hands fall to my pants and begin playing with the pantline. I looked back down at her boobs, two perfect mounds with nipples the color of the soft juicy inside of a _real_ cherry. 'This is so much better then that stupid desert.' I thought to myself as I leaned toyed with her right nipple making her arc her back in pleasure I grabbed both of them and rolled them simultaneously, thrusting slowly into her crotch.

"Take my pants off, Babe." I practically begged as she finally undid the button, I felt my pants jump open. "Yes!" I said with long waited satisfaction. Excited to get things moving I made sure she'd be plenty ready before I even got her pants off. I leaned down and licked a circle around her right nipple, pushing my tongue into the soft, giving section.

"Mmm, Sasuke, yes…" she sighed, pulling my pants down around my knees

I continued to lick circles before finally sucking on the nipple whole, sucking hard but not hard enough to leave a mark. Her hands jumped to my shoulders digging into my flesh.

I gasped in shock, before realizing she had stopped taking my pants and boxers off. I took the nipple in my mouth again and this time between my teeth slowly teasing it. She seemed to get the message as she writhed, her fingers (and nails) traveling down the front of my chest and to my boxers.

With my mouth still at her breast, though I was back to licking the sore skin, I moved my hands to her pants and began undoing them, they were tight, but I managed. I unzipped them and started pulling them off when I stopped as I heard,

"Wait!"

"What?" I growled, a little annoyed we were stopping. Naruto's face was already beginning to gain colored but it brightened more as she looked down to my boxers, awkwardly,

"Um… Have you ever done it with a girl before?"

"What? Why are you asking me? Of course I have!" I said, more than a little offended. 'The dumbass stopped me for this?'

"Like um… one that's never done it before?"

"Naruto just cuz you've ever done it as a girl doesn't mean it's much different then a guy." Then I realized what I was saying, 'If Naruto's a girl and he's never done it…'

"Sorry I know it's dumb just…" I leaned forward and kissed her hard, not wanting all the time we spent getting turned on be for nothing. I stroked her bare thigh, comfortingly and intimately.

"I'll take it slow, you'll be okay. It's going to hurt-"

"I know," she interrupted quickly. "I've just never been on this side of it…" I kissed her forehead,

"You'll be fine." I stared into her eyes, baby blue. "Promise." and was a little surprised when my voice came out in a steady rumble almost an octave lower than usual. Apparently it was affective as she began taking off her own, soft orange panties. I stopped her.

"Wait…" I moved her hand up around my back as I reached down to her underwear. She looked confused until my fingers began stroking the soft side of her panties in front of her vagina. I moaned,

"Naruto…"

He looked out of breath himself as he rubbed my cock through my silk boxers.

"You're so wet." I leaned over into his ear. I felt him slip a hand into my boxers and grab my penis,

"You too." he whispered back with a smirk, his thumb running over the slit of my dick.

"Oh god…" I managed before sliding my boxers off quickly. I began thrusting into his hand his other came up to cup my balls, he squeezed gently,

"Don't forget about me."

I growled as her hand fell away from my balls but was just as happy when it settled on my waist, pulling me towards her I slid off her panties with her help and was amazed by the light colored pubic hair. I ran a hand through it briefly before aligning myself with her. She looked up at me and she seemed a little unsure. I moved a hand down to her clitoris and began slowly making circles with it,

"Oh-my-god! What are you- doing?"

I almost laughed, 'Dumb ass Naruto doesn't he ever jack off as a girl?' I kept going, rubbing her clit and her thigh with my other hand. She moaned and her hand was around my dick again, pumping slowly,

"Mmm, you're so hard, Sasuke…mmm,Sasuke…"

I increased my pace, holding onto her hip with one hand as I began thrusting again,

"God, Naruto…I want to fuck you…" I felt myself getting closer with every thrust.

"Mmmm, Sasuke, do it…fuck me."

She didn't need to ask me twice as I parted her legs so I had a clear path. Painfully slow (for both of us, I wanted to fuck her now!) I began pushing against her entrance. I paused as she gasped in shock.

"You're too big."

"No." I hissed back and pushed harder. I felt myself slide into hot, wet heat and tried to hold myself from losing it right there. She held onto me tightly and I waited until she pushed up against me, I pushed too.

"Ahh!" she yelled,

"Unh… you're so tight…" I decided it'd be best if she was on top so taking her carefully I rolled over onto my back until she was leaning over me.

"Go at your own pace." I instructed her. She nodded and I let my hands run over and explore her body once more. This really didn't hurt me, so I just watched as she flinched and paused to take breaths.

"You're such a baby." I said, brushing away a tear that was gathering at the corner of her eye.

"Shut up you, Asshole!" as if wanting to prove me wrong (which I was hoping she'd try) she pushed back, sliding all the way down my shaft, thought not quietly.

"Sasuke, I need help."

I sighed but I tried not to make it sound annoyed. I stood up and picked her up with me until we reached my desk chair. I brushed some clothing off of it before I had time to drop her. I sat down on the chair and she sat with me.

"Alright, go."

She nodded and as she stood up I got used to the motion of helping her up, though she could do it now I knew once we got going I would be doing most of the work. The chair helped considerably though, she rose and fell easily at he own pace, at first she was going less than halfway before pulling back but soon she started going deeper and harder.

"I'm going to try to break it." She whispered. I began helping her.

"Let me know when to stop." I said watching her pain stricken face.

"Don't stop!" she cried. I couldn't if I wanted too, it felt to good to be fucking her I broke through in no time and she hardly noticed, she started rocking into me and both of us started thrusting in a steady rhythm.

"Sa-Sasuke…ha!" she gasped and I wondered if I had found her G-spot… 'Was I that good?' I picked her up as she tried to keep thrusting into me even as I stood and cried her back to the bed,

"No, no…" she began struggling, "No bed…" I slammed her up against the wall.

"Fine, I'll just nail you to the wall." I thrust deep inside her and she screamed.

"Oh yes! Sauske!"

I held her up by the waist but she quickly started wrapping her legs around me instinctively.

"Right there! Go, go!" I thrust hard and fast feeling her cum start to drip down my length and mix into my pubic hairs.

"God Naruto…you're so…hot! Fuck!" I could feel myself peaking as our thrusting started getting out of sync we sped up tying to match each other, it didn't take long before Naruto held on to me tightly,

"Sasuke, I'm so close!"

"Me, me too!" I panted, trying not to tire and slow down… I felt the pressure that hot burning pressure like I was shooting up higher and higher. I had to get her to orgasm. I practically flung her on the bed (still inside her, we weren't too far from the bed) and grabbed her shoulder with one hand and felt down and began knuckling her clit with the other. She gasped,

"Yes, yes, yes…" her voice got higher with each yes and I new she was close I pounded her into the bed focusing on hitting the same spot over and over and constantly toying with her clitoris. She dug her nails into my back and suddenly stopped as I felt _it_. Like I stuck inside a thunderstorm, I felt the pressure of her orgasm squeeze my dick once, twice, thrice… that's all I need to pull out and cum all over her and I. She held onto me tightly and I collapsed next to her as we both slowly descended from our climaxes. We panted almost in unison. I wrapped my arms around her. My head was spinning. I stared up at the ceiling and waited for it to stop pulsing in time with my head.

"That was good." She said. I scoffed,

"That was damn good, one of the best I've had."

"Really?" she asked curiously. I nodded.

"Yeah, but don't go getting a big head."

"I know," she pressed herself against me and smelled my warm sweat laced skin. "You did most of the work."

"…That's not what I meant." I said flatly.

"I know. Happy Birthday, Sasuke."

"Thanks."

There was a pause of silence. 'You know for my birthday today really wasn't that bad…'

"What are we doing for my birthday?" Naruto pondered aloud.

'Shit.' I closed my eyes, exhausted.

"…I hope I can't get pregnant."

My eye's shot open,

"Fuck."


End file.
